Nonsensical
by Ataokoloinona
Summary: Sai comes to terms to some degree for "feeling", but what exactly is it that he feels, and for whom?


"Emotion- (noun) instinctive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge; a strong feeling"

"Feeling- (noun) an emotional state or reaction"

"Feelings- (noun) emotional responses or tendencies to respond; strong emotion; the capacity to feel; a sensitivity to or intuitive understanding of"

"Hmmm... this does not make sense. These "feelings" seem completely nonsensical. Why do humans have "emotions" anyway? This is most unhelpful." He shut the dictionary and with the utmost care slipped it into it's place on the shelf above his head.

Getting up and stretching out his body he gave a small yawn. His endless search for the answer of what being "human" actually meant was tiring. He crossed the room and opened the window and squinting into the bright light looked around the street below. It was unusually quiet for a Saturday afternoon.

He leaned on the sill resting his chin on the palm of his hand. There was nothing to do, nowhere to go. Lord Danzo required no report and there were no missions for Team 7 to complete. He pushed himself off the sill and walked a tight circle around the room. It was strange but he could not stop pacing his small living room. Turning quickly on his heel he picked up the dictionary again.

"Bored- 1 (verb used with object) to weary by dullness, tedious repetition, unwelcome attentions, etc.

2 (noun) a dull, tiresome or uncongenial person

3 (noun) a cause of ennui or petty annoyance"

"Am I _feeling_ "bored"? That is not possible." With less care than before he put the dictionary back on the shelf and fell into his chair. He took out his sketch pad and a pencil from his backpack and hurriedly began to draw.

Soon he forgot where he was, what had startled him and the world in general. The hours went slowly by as a pile of paper grew at his feet. He drew the birds singing on his window sill, the clouds in the sky, the tree on the hill, the few people drifting on the street, his team and Naruto.

He paused, and sifting through his pile of drawings, picked up a handful. They were all of Naruto, his eyebrows furrowed and spreading the pile with his hand, he stared. He had drawn at least twenty pictures of Naruto. Naruto "angry". Naruto "happy", "sad", "confused". Naruto the way he appeared when he looked at Sakura behind her back. Why had he done that?

He dropped all the pages in his hand and watched as they drifted slowly to the floor in lazy circles. He did not feel calm anymore, he shouldn't feel anything anyway. Was it Naruto? Did Naruto make him "feel" in this small way? His chest stirred, he did not understand. He ran his hand over his head and exhaled. This too would pass, it had too.

Though it was pleasant, or what he thought "pleasant" should feel like, to feel these things. Perhaps emotions were not so dangerous as Lord Danzo had taught him. Was it not feelings of "ambition", "pride" and "hatred" that made Lord Danzo do as he did to begin with? Could not "emotions" strengthen just as much as weaken?

... Naruto had shown him that. Naruto, who constantly fought because of the pain that Sasuke caused him. That Sakura caused him. Naruto...

"Oy! Sai! Come eat ramen with me!" It was Naruto, he was climbing through his window.

Quickly he gathered up his drawings and stuffed them into his backpack. For some reason he did not want Naruto to see them. More "feelings" he supposed. He stood and pulled his shirt straight.

"You only want me to come to pay right?" He smiled his fake smile, his veneer of normalcy.

"Well, not completely, but it would be nice. You can't replace Sasuke but you're pretty cool too, I guess."

His chest clenched again, it was like being nauseous but in a good way, it was completely disorientating.

"Sakura told you to say that."

"No she didn't! Are you coming or not?" He was "annoyed".

"Fine." He put his arm around Naruto's shoulders, the nauseating feeling intensified.

"What are you doing?" Naruto shook his arm off.

"I read in a book that familiarly touching somebody with the "hug" increases feelings of camaraderie."

"You are such a freak. Come on they close soon." Without waiting for a reply he jumped out of the window. And he followed, he wanted to keep feeling sick. These were bonds he was sure of it. He quickly caught up to Naruto and fell into a comfortable walk beside him.

Naruto didn't look at him directly but smiled, he knew it was a smile for him. His stomach turned.

He smiled back, and the strange thing was that it did not feel out of place on his face. It was his first genuine smile. His first smile for Naruto.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is dedicated to my Internet buddy CharmCharm12, she is my deranged, morality eroding friend and I love her to death. The strange thing was that when I offered to write her a one shot she picked the only pairing she likes non-smutty. Go figure. Here's to you CharmCharm12, cheers!


End file.
